Third Public Enema Memorial Run.
Saturday, 12th June 2004. The Hop Pole, Bath.

Words by Soprano.
Pictures, and captions, by Gullible.

~ After much discussion, a vote was taken in favour of holding Public Enema’s 3rd Memorial Hash on the Saturday closest to Dave’s birthday. We were all united in that it was important to continue to raise money for the Oncology Ward at the Bristol Royal Infirmary where Dave was cared for and this, so far, had been achieved through Kerbcrawler and Iron Maiden’s London marathon donations and Soprano’s Famous Auctions. So it was that I cycled out on a lovely afternoon to the Hop Pole (carrying a very sore hamstring – not in the bidding) to set up the Auction while Hashers were out doing what they do best – Hash. I was initially astonished to be met in the garden of the pub by a canvass of a well tended English summery scene full of rather sedate, beautifully dressed, delicate looking people, quietly discussing the finer issues of life; muted, embarrassed laughter occasionally drifted my way; wine glasses were chinking and glistening in the sunlight – and they were all eating rather posh food! Oh, thought I: the Memorial Hash is just about to finish – a lot of Hashers will descend, with a dress code slightly different from ye poshe English scene in my view. Gulp: the chatter volume will hit the honeysuckle and clematis coated arbour; the consumption of pints of beer on one afternoon will shatter the weekly takings; Hashers – all looking for an Auction with plenty of money to spend are about to appear on this lovely portrait of genteel Englishness. I panicked and thought: "where on earth are we all going to go?" I need not have worried, for as soon as the Hash entered the garden, we sort of just took over! Immediately, too, the sense of occasion was evident: everyone seemed happy to see everyone else and from conversations I had, and overheard, everyone was still very much having difficulty with the fact that our friend Dave was not here with us – and Dave’s name was never far away from anyone’s lips.

A gathering of finely tuned athletes
A gathering of finely tuned athletes.

~ With hardly any time to have a drink, I was enveloped amidst a FANTASTIC array of auctionable items – and we were off! But not first without our customary one minute’s silence to reflect and remember our dear hashing friend - Dave Isles: Public Enema. Cancer touches us all and so it is important to keep up the fight for raising money for the cause – and from where I as the auctioneer was standing, I can assure you that everyone there clearly felt that they were not going to miss out on Dave’s cause!

A word of advice from  Den - nothing new there!
A word of advice from Den - so nothing new there, then!

Gazza helps Clem from the gutter. Again.
Gazza helps Clem from the gutter. Again.
~ I wish I could list all of the 96 items framing the slatted arbour and tell you who bid for what, but I will say that the sense of fun surrounding the whole afternoon was absolutely magnificent. Not only were Hashers bidding, but actively pushing up the bids on items they wanted themselves and in some cases Hashers just went in with a straight high bid without any messing. Such is the fervour of the Auction and fun it engenders for such a worthwhile cause. But I will give you a few snippets of bidding: Now I can’t imagine why Rodders would want an England nurses hat? (£10). Or Magnum PI not one ‘Lie back and think of England thong’ – but two! (£10 and £5) – Perhaps the strangest fetish, though, was Stretch wanting a Nash Hash pink T shirt (£11) as designed by Stretch FOR Nash Hash! But Stretch couldn’t get his Nash Hash mug back as Hotlips outbid him for it (£1) – (poor Hotlips!).
Clem has a senior moment
Clem has a senior moment. Again.
~ Although Stretch definitely came out of it with a much lighter wallet as he brought his children with him – wrong move: from yoyos to dingbat books and animals they cost him (£16.50). Clem bid for 3 barrels of brandy (£5) and a copy of War and Peace (£5) – presumably the book helps calm the wife after he has drunk the brandy! Our fun was clearly infectious so much so that a ‘normal person’ dining in the garden joined in and bid (£6) for another England nurses hat! John ought to be warned of Waynetta’s love for Shrek - she bid (£5) for a picture! No No had been a bit quiet until a book on ‘Stupid White Men’ came up and she burst into life with a straight bid of (£10) – no haggling, no messing about, nothing psychological about it, just a straight bid?!! The most unusual item had to be Duracell’s ‘bronze’ of Young Man (his head!) – not only was it impressive, it was magnificent! Young Man thought so too and bid £40 for it!
Lightning on orange juice, Charlie on the piss
Lightning on orange juice, Charlie on the piss.
~ Puki had brought along Horse Thompson’s very last whisky drinking glass full to the brim with Horse’s favourite tipple – funny that, as Puki has done the same for the last 4 auctions! – Lightning normally always falls for it! Super to see Janet who really seemed to enjoy herself bidding for two Bath beer festival T shirts at (£8) and (£6). HBK bid for the medium thong at £6 and I heard mutterings of "surely that’s too big"! Duvet’s love of Chardonnay evident as he bid £11 for both of them (bottles that is!). A big surprise with Chateau Le Caniveau going for a whopping (£5) with an early bid from Gazza. Mad Max not telling any fibs with honest bidding for a Peenokeo t-shirt at (£10)! Puki Jangut embraced next year’s plan to also incorporate an ‘Auction of Promises’ - with an early Promise of a curry night at 55 Northend: Ali and Brian bid a magnificent (£45)!! – Perhaps for next year someone could promise to service a car (no Rodders, I did mean a car!); or help someone clear a garden; donate a meal; help paint a room, or even give a massage - sports or otherwise! Watch this space! The last auctionable item is always a very simple, but lovely, gilt framed picture of Dave, which has become the perpetual trophy - Sewer Rat bid the wonderful sum of £45.
One for the record Soprano
One for the record, Soprano?
~ "Thank you"s galore, but especially to Mad Max and Gazza for booking the venue, and to Sleepy for not only acting as Auditor, but also taking on the hard work of collecting the funds.

Simon's not feeling himself.
HBK's not feeling himself. (What's that in his pocket, then? - Ed.)
~ Now this is impressive: not content with just bidding for personal items, a lot of extremely generous Hashers when paying up, also gave a ‘donation’. Now those donations alone added up to an outstanding £102.80!! But just listen to this: So, on the day, including the donations, we had another bravura performance and the Auction raised a superlative £1,027.30! As of last year the Auctions alone had raised £1,634.30, plus £78 for the Raffle – now we can add to it this year’s £1,027.30 = £2,739.60. But, add to that Iron Maiden's London marathon donation of £290.00, plus Kerbcrawler’s London marathon effort which raised £5,000 and this brings the overall total the Hash ALONE has raised for Cancer Research UK and the Oncology Ward at the Bristol Infirmary to £8,029.00.

A pat on the back to everyone involved.

ON ON, Dave!

Whatever he's doing, she obviously likes it
Whatever he's doing, she obviously likes it.
(Could be he's just stopped doing it. - Ed.)

Letter from Bob Iles to Wolfie
Letter from Bristol Oncology Centre to Sleepy