Minutes of the 24th Annual General Piss-Up held on 1st April 2006 at The Cornubia, Temple Street, Bristol.

Minutes Secretary: Wolfie.

The meeting was opened by the current Grand Master, Clem, who welcomed those present.

1. Apologies for absence. None was received.

2. Minutes of the last meeting held on 5th March 2005.

Puki Jangut complained, as he had at the previous three meetings, that the minutes, whilst mildly entertaining, were complete fiction. Sleepy agreed, but said that, in a post-Freudian sense, could we ever truly portray "The Truth"? Sweatmonster interjected, saying that that was Post Modernism, surely. He could not see how one could really involve "poor old" Freud in what was, basically, Sleepy's own anti-cathexis. This received some laughter at Sleepy's expense, who retaliated rather neatly by saying that Sweatmonster's uber-ich was getting the better of him.

Puki Jangut, on a point of order, asked whether we had any statistics regarding the proportion of left-handed members present. After a show of hands, and amid some confusion, the minutes of the last meeting were accepted.

Spiderman wished it to be recorded that this blatant re-writing of history reminded him of the worst excesses of Stalinist Russia. Soprano said that at least Stalin got the trains to run on time, something which our present Grand-Master, Clem, had been singularly unable to do with the Bristol Hash House Harriers. At this, Lunchbox, who had, until now, remained silent, said that he must protest at this unfair slur, as it was, in fact, Mussolini who had got the trains to run on time and not Stalin.

Considerable, sometimes heated, discussion ensued which was ended only when Wolfie suggested another vote, the result of which was:

Mussolini 14
Stalin 5
Adolf Hitler 2
Richard Branson 1
Dr Beeching 1
Abstained 2.

3. Outgoing Officers' Reports:

3.1. Grand Master. Clem said he would not seek, nor would he accept, re-election. This was greeted with thunderous applause.

3.2. Hash Cash. Sleepy distributed the output from his new "Computerised Financial Management System". Click HERE for accounts. He stated that the new system was working well, although there were still some teething problems with the flammability of the paper. Clem demanded more financial transparency, but conceded that he had no idea what this meant. Puki Jangut asked why the accounts showed haberdashery purchases of £585.84, but zero sales. Sleepy replied that he had been stockpiling as he was going for the "layered look" this season, as suggested to him in a dream by TV divas Trinny and Suzannah.

3.3. Hare Raiser. Spiderman said that it had been an onerous year but one not without its highlights. When pressed he explained that he and Lynne had installed a new power shower with which they were very pleased.

3.4. On-Sec. Wolfie said that most communication with other hashes and external organisations was conducted via the internet these days, so the need for a central contact point was becoming less important. He had received fewer than half a dozen hash-related letters during the year. He had meant to go on to ask whether anyone else would like to be on-sec, but forgot. As the keeper of the hash stats (or "Guardian of the Flame" as he preferred), he presented the following graph:

3.5. Religious Advisor. Lunchbox asked for some feedback on the recent change from pints to halves for all non-special-event runs. The beauty of the arrangement, which was introduced for health reasons, is that one can have twice as many drinks with the same calorie intake. Waynetta said that, speaking as a qualified dietitian, this was bollocks. Otherwise, the new arrangement met with general approval.

Puki Jangut asked when we expected to introduce On-Downs to replace Down-Downs. Lunchbox replied that this would be phased in gradually, immediately after Hell freezes over.

3.6. Social Committee. A rather defensive Wet Wipe and Mad Max reported that the Treasure Hunt had been quite successful.

4. The Bristol and Associated Hashes Pension Scheme (BAHPS) report. In an acrimonious exchange between Lunchbox and Sleepy the full extent of the "Black Hole" was only hinted at. Lunchbox and Fat Controller advocated a return to the pre-2000 system of separating the fund from the organisation. Sleepy stated that it was "too late" as any modern creative accounting system needed to use the full range of funds available to it. When pressed on this point, Sleepy said that he had a bit of a headache.

5. Resignation of Officers. Traditionally conducted by Lunchbox, those officers present were asked to resign and accept down-downs.

6. Food. A vast improvement on the previous year, when there had been none. There were four types of curry, all excellent, served, controversially, with bread (various).

7. Election of Officers.

The following officers were elected:

  • Grand Master: Wet Wipe.
  • Joint Masters: Clem, HBK and Puki Jangut.
  • Hash Cash: Sleepy.
  • On-Sec, Stats and Webshite: Wolfie.
  • Hare Raiser: Spiderman.
  • Religious Advisor: Fat Controller
  • Beer Master: Clem
  • Hash Horn: Gazza
  • Haberdasher: Soprano.
  • Mee-mee: Joint Puki Jangut and Lunchbox.
  • Awards Co-ordinator: Mad Max.
  • Deputy Dog: Jed.
  • Social Committee: Mad Max (Chair).
  • Hash Flash: Gazza

8. Any Other Business.

8.1. Sleepy, said something about Clem smoking roll-ups. Wet Wipe, her new-found power already coursing through her veins, suggested re-naming him Hash Ash and Lightning suggested Urn. Older members glanced nervously at each other at this glimpse of things to come.

8.2. Lunchbox proposed that membership be reduced to 8.50 per half year to take effect from July 1st 2006. This was carried with only one vote against.

8.3. There was a majority feeling that a separate charity event could be considered, in addition to the Dave Iles annual fund-raising in aid of cancer charities. It was decided that the social committee should investigate possibilities, with reference where appropriate to other members, and report back during the year to the full committee for a final decision.

8.4. Lunchbox reported that he and his legal team would be bringing a statement to the club, by the next AGPU at the latest, containing more revelations about the Grand Bru (1991) scandal.

9. Date of Next Meeting: Saturday, 31st March, 2007.

Three wise hashers
Photos by Duracell.