Massive, the current Grand Master, opened the formal meeting by welcoming those present.

1. Apologies. Apologies had been received from Duracell (in tent in Wiltshire) and Fat Controller (who actually arrived at 8:45pm).

2. Minutes of the last meeting. The minutes of the last meeting, held on 23rd March 2013, were approved.

3. Matters Arising. There were none.

4. Outgoing officers' reports.

   1. Grand Master. Massive said that, despite his best endeavours, he was "still here".

   2. Hash Cash. Sleepy distributed a statement of accounts to the end of 2013 which are included with, and form part of, these minutes (see below). These showed that there was £617.00 in reserve as at the end of the year.

      Puki enquired about the current state of the Bristol and Allied Hashes Pension Scheme (BAHPS). Sleepy said that, following careful management, he had been able to maintain the qualifying pension age at 97 for the financial period 2014/15.

      Following a vote the accounts were approved.

   3. Stats. Wolfie reported that, once again, there had been an increase in the average number of hashers per week, up from 26 to 28. He reminded the meeting that extensive reports could be found on the website.

   4. Hare Raiser. Fat Controller was not present at this point in the meeting.

   5. Beer Masters: Lunchbox reported that Clem had been a major drain on down-down funds during the year, and that he had discussed setting up separate funding for this with Sleepy. At the time of the meeting, medical reports were awaited.

   6. Webshite: Wolfie reported that, contrary to general expectaions, he, also, was "still here". He mentioned that, following concerns expressed at last year's meeting, he had passed details of the website, file structures, access codes, etc., to Massive. Massive reported that, as an extra backup, he had copied these details and arranged for them to be left in trust for Mini-Massive, his heirs and successors.

   7. Social Committee: Waynetta, with encouragement and input from Wet Wipe, Sleepy and Lunchbox, listed the various social events, too numerous to name here, that the committee had "organised" during the year, including the venue and food for the current evening. She added that the regular meetings of the committee had worked well, Sweatmonster still having failed to attend any of them.

   8. Hash Horn: Gazza reported that his horn was as loud as ever.

5. Best Pub Awards. Unsurprisingly, The Beaufort Arms, Hawkesbury Upton, was once again proposed, seconded and elected, unopposed.

6. Resignation of Officers. In accordance with Hash AGPU rules, the officers present resigned en masse. Down-downs were downed.

7. Food was served. The reaction of those attending was very favourable. All the dishes had been passed by Waynetta.

8. Election of Officers. The following officers were elected:

   • Grand Master: Massive.

   • Joint Masters: Walky Talky and Three and Fourpence.

   • Hash Cash: Sleepy.

   • On-Sec: Wolfie.

   • Hare Raiser: Fat Controller.

   • Joint Religious Advisers: Rebore and Irish Stew.

   • Beer Meisters: Sweatmonster and Shiggy Valentine.

   • Stats: Wolfie.

   • Webshite: Wolfie.

   • Hash Horn: Gazza.

   • Hash Haberdasher: Soprano.

   • Awards Co-ordinator: Wet Wipe.

   • Mee Mees: Soprano and Gazza.

   • Assistant Mee Mee: Clem.

   • Hasher Basher: Soprano.

   • Social Committee: Wet Wipe, Waynetta, Lunchbox, HBK, Rebore, Limpet and Fruitcake.

   • Hash Flash: Three and Fourpence.

   • Hash Snitches: Waynetta and Walky Talky.

9. Any Other Business.

   • Insurance. Spiderman made the point, once again, that, by insuring ourselves we are effectively conceding that we consider ourselves to be a legal entity and, by so doing, encourage claims on us as a group. Nevertheless, it was felt by the majority to be prudent to continue with public liability insurance.

   • Nominated Charity. Because of the difficulties being experienced in farming communities due to flooding, it was decided to support the Royal Agricultural Benevolent Institute (R.A.B.I.) More details at www.rabi.org.uk/.

10. Date of Next Meeting: TBA.

The meeting ended at 10:30pm.

There were, however, a number of additional items, and unresolved questions, worthy of record:

1. Spider "lost" his sombrero. Waynetta turned up at hash next day wearing it.
2. Clem reckoned he "puked me guts up" in the night. He blamed the "stew". There wasn't any stew! Claims he didn't make it to the bog, so puked in the sink and had to stir the solid content down the plug hole with his finger. Nice.
3. The Grand Bru Scandal of 1989 progress report didn't happen, because Gullible had been lined up to give new evidence. Unfortunately, he was unable to get evening release clearance from his witness protection programme.
4. The BDA (British Dietetic Association) are rumoured to be looking into Waynetta bringing the profession into disrepute, organising eating competitions and then forcing people to take part. Also, in between rounds, seen chain-smoking outside and eating "some pies".
5. Sleepy unleashed the mother of all farts in the Cornubia afterwards. It took a long time for him to "claim" it, under intense pressure, maintaining that the tried-and-tested rule of "you smelt it - you dealt it!" did not apply after 10:00pm.

 
Appendix: Accounts for the year to 31 December 2013 were submitted as follows: