Breaking with tradition, food was consumed before the meeting started. A range of dishes had been prepared by those present. Trolley Dolly had burnt a cake; Gazza presented his “Cheese and Onion Surprise”, the surprise being that neither cheese nor onion, nor any other identifiable foodstuffs, were detectable in the ingredients. The most favourably-received was a large selection of Japanese sushi, supplied by Smurf, who combined the unveiling of the dish with the announcement that she was six weeks pregnant. Congratulations were offered to all parties involved, particularly Waitrose, who had supplied the sushi.

Pre-meeting conversation included sex education (entirely unconnected with the previous paragraph), pubic hair (ditto) and the fact that Spiderman had not given up smoking.

The current Grand Master, Wet Wipe, opened the formal meeting by welcoming those present.

1. Apologies for Absence. Apologies had been received from Puki Jangut, Soprano and Sweatmonster.

2. Minutes of the last meeting. Largely due to the fact that Puki Jangut was not present, the minutes of the last meeting, held on 5^th April 2008 were accepted unanimously.

3. Matters Arising. Lunchbox stated that his legal team were still working on his latest response to the Grand Bru Beer Scandal, 1991, and would report in detail at the next meeting. Spiderman and Wolfie (fellow-occupants of Lunchbox's Saab on that fateful weekend) in a joint announcement, stated that, due to irreconcilable differences, they had appointed their own legal advisers, and would be pursuing compensation via the criminal courts, rather than Lunchbox's preferred civil action route.

4. Outgoing officers' reports.
   1. Grand Master. Wet Wipe stated that she had followed a “steady-as-she-goes” approach during the year. The takeover of the Greyhound and Kennet and Avon hashes, as part of her “lebensraum” policy, had met with some problems, but she thought would be completed within a year, as would her “purification” plans, which, once again, she was unwilling to expand upon at the meeting.

   2. Hash Cash. Sleepy confessed that he had not prepared any accounts, but that the bottom line was that we were in a stronger position than the Royal Bank of Scotland. He said that accounts for the year-ending 2008 would be prepared and posted to the website when available. [Accounts later submitted here]

   3. Hare Raiser. Spiderman reported that he had got people to be hares, all right? So what's the problem? He suggested that if we wanted to vote for another Hare Raiser, he didn't care, OK? Whatever...

   4. Stats. Wolfie stated that 2008 had been a momentous year as the average number of runners per run was the highest ever recorded, at least since he started doing the stats in, God help him, 1988! If one Sharon Crawford (current whereabouts unknown), who did the stats before him, knew otherwise, she was welcome to contact him via the website, using the code-word hayloft. He presented the following graphic:

      

   5. Social Committee. Waynetta reported that there had been five excellent social events during the year, but that, unfortunately, none of them had been organised by the Social Committee. She added that her co-committee member, Sweatmonster (not present at the meeting), insisted on blaming himself.

5. Hash Pub Awards. Wet Wipe announced that The Beaufort Arms in Hawkesbury Upton had been given the Bristol Hash House Harriers' Best Pub of the Year award, The Blaise Inn at Henbury the Worst Pub of the Year and The Waldegrave Arms in Chewton Mendip had been given a Bronze Award. A number of members said that a) they were never asked to vote and whatever happened to democracy? b) The Blaise Inn should contact Wet Wipe directly in any libel action, c) why was there not a Gold or Silver Award? and d) we haven't really thought this through, have we?

6. Bristol and Allied Hashes Pension Scheme (BAHPS). Lunchbox said that, by a sad coincidence, both of the BAHPS-administered retirement homes had suffered flooding during the year, which would inevitably increase insurance costs in the future. The main problem facing the administrators was that Puki Jangut kept getting older and they were running out of reasons to increase the qualifying retirement age accordingly.

7. Resignation of Officers. In accordance with Hash AGPU rules, the officers present resigned their posts. Smurf used this opportunity to introduce the ashen-faced stranger who had arrived with her as the father of her future child.

8. Election of Officers. The following officers were elected:

   1. Grand Master: Wet Wipe
   2. Joint Masters: Massive and Scoop
   3. Hash Cash: Sleepy
   4. On-Sec, Stats, Webshite: Wolfie
   5. Joint Religious Advisers: Massive and Doris Doombar
   6. Hare Raiser: Spiderman
   7. Hash Horn: Lunchbox
   8. Hash Haberdasher: Trolley Dolly
   9. Awards Co-ordinator: Wet Wipe
   10. Hash Flash: Scotch Pissed
   11. Hasher Basher: Soprano
   12. Social Committee: Scoop (chair), Lightweight and Wet Wipe
   13. Mee-mee: Lunchbox
   14. Assistant Mee-me: Public Enemy.

9. A vote of thanks to retiring officers was proposed by Wet Wipe.

10. Any Other Business. There was none.

11. Date of Next Meeting: T.B.A.